Readers be forewarned, as the
content to follow is a rant, albeit this banana’s rant. So, Doo Funny
Banana (Doo Funny) has decided to leave our particular bunch and I want to know
who gets the swag. More specifically, who gets the Cuisinart blender,
microwave oven, coffee pot, air mattress, lap top computer, and the Shark Vac
then Steam Mop? These items are just a portion of the swag that I so
generously loaned, gave or bought (not a gift) for Doo Funny and I want them
back. Maybe the problem is in the definition of a gift. Do not
begin to feel sorry for Doo Funny because he has gotten rather nice gifts…4
brand new Dueler Tires for his truck, Ralph Lauren Polo shirts, Burberry
Cologne, numerous assortments of kitchen utensils, bathroom décor, and hundreds
of dollars spend on dining out. As you can see, from the impressive list
of gifts, it is only right that he return the items that were not gifts.
Doo Funny indomitably disagrees (hence the handle of Doo Funny) with my
demands. Instead, he insists upon labeling me as petty while demanding
that I never call or text him again. This is a mighty fine conundrum!
Apparently, while he was enjoying purple label treatment, I was not behaving at
all out of the ordinary. After all, he relished the fine dining and our
“throw it in the bag” style of shopping. Sadly, at this point, all I can do is
rant and prattle on about this situation. Doo Funny has made up his mind that
he, under every circumstance, is going keep everything down to the
chopsticks. I feel bad, in advance, for the poor sap to follow him, as he
will get nothing more than a roll of cheap toilet paper to wipe his little (or
big) bottom. I will be the one who changes the Charmin roll for the
off-brand, guaranteed to take two layers of skin, sandpaper roll whenever he
comes to visit.
