Doo Funny and the Funky Futon

Maybe it is I and I apologize for any hurt feelings; however, I would sooner sleep on the floor than accept a used mattress from a dirty home.  Heck, I would not accept a used mattress from anyone.   I am certain that I would have insomnia just trying not to think what stories the mattress beneath me has to tell.   After I finished pondering stories, I would likely begin scratching my skin raw sure that I was being attacked by flees, bed bugs, and lice (head and body variety).   These are just a few of my reasons for declining a free used mattress and then there is Doo Funny.

My iPhone rings, and it is Doo Funny.  His voice was full of delight and excite as he explained that a wealthy coworker offered him a gently used futon bed.  Apparently, his friend’s financial status weighed heavily on the deal.  Unable to hit the brakes and divert the flow of words that would ask him in multiple terms “what, are you crazy? Who does that?”  Of course Doo Funny became silent before I could regain control of my lips.  I had dampened his excitement.  At this point, I apologized and wished Doo Funny luck, after all, a bed from a supposed wealthy friend has somehow makes the offer acceptable.

Skip ahead 24 hours and my iPhone rings again.  Doo Funny is on the other end, and this time, there was no delight or excite.  Doo Funny goes on to state, “I have never seen such a filthy home.” “Garbage was all over the floor and the futon mattress is so dirty.”  I guess the wealthy can be trifling too!  Poor Doo Funny, I felt sorry for him for a brief second before I shouted, “I told you!”  Doo Funny replies, “I am disappointed in my co-worker.”  “I will keep the bed but I am going to dump the mattress.”

The moral of this story is that it is unsanitary to accept used bedding from strangers (wealthy or poor).  Doo Funny, I am sure, is a closet junk collector who is not aware!

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