Readers be forewarned, as the content to follow is a rant, albeit this banana’s rant. So, Doo Funny Banana (Doo Funny) has decided to leave our particular bunch and I want to know who gets the swag. More specifically, who gets the Cuisinart blender, microwave oven, coffee pot, air mattress, lap top computer, and the Shark Vac then Steam Mop? These items are just a portion of the swag that I so generously loaned, gave or bought (not a gift) for Doo Funny and I want them back. Maybe the problem is in the definition of a gift. Do not begin to feel sorry for Doo Funny because he has gotten rather nice gifts…4 brand new Dueler Tires for his truck, Ralph Lauren Polo shirts, Burberry Cologne, numerous assortments of kitchen utensils, bathroom décor, and hundreds of dollars spend on dining out. As you can see, from the impressive list of gifts, it is only right that he return the items that were not gifts. Doo Funny indomitably disagrees (hence the handle of Doo Funny) with my demands. Instead, he insists upon labeling me as petty while demanding that I never call or text him again. This is a mighty fine conundrum! Apparently, while he was enjoying purple label treatment, I was not behaving at all out of the ordinary. After all, he relished the fine dining and our “throw it in the bag” style of shopping. Sadly, at this point, all I can do is rant and prattle on about this situation. Doo Funny has made up his mind that he, under every circumstance, is going keep everything down to the chopsticks. I feel bad, in advance, for the poor sap to follow him, as he will get nothing more than a roll of cheap toilet paper to wipe his little (or big) bottom. I will be the one who changes the Charmin roll for the off-brand, guaranteed to take two layers of skin, sandpaper roll whenever he comes to visit.